enchanted

I come on and an award is stuck in my hand by the beautiful Magaly before I even had a chance to brush my teeth or wait until my morning wood goes down before I pee. I'll trade this award for Jack in the Box French Toast Sticks and a kiss on my shoulder.

Now 7 things about me:

I eat string cheese between two Kit Kat bars.


I believe in the Devil.


I eat macaroni salad with soy sauce (big in Hawaii).


I got into a bar fight a few weeks ago.


I melt butter on my pie.


My credit is shit.


My belly button is an innie.

I'm running out of things to say when I get these awards people. Next award I get I'll give my last known home addresses just to fill up space.

Red Carpet Spunktacular

I never thought walking down the red carpet last night that I would recieve another award from my colleague Cogent Ascending (we have a love/hate relationship, he loves me and I hate him), with my Xanax and Tanqueray high I thought I was at the Peoples Choice Awards with Brittany Murphy and the sidewalks were made out of gravy. This time I only have to answer 7 questions thank God. I put this at the top of my other awards, because, just look at it.

A Rabbi left a blessing on my answering machine.

I was almost shipped off at an all-boys military acadamy in the East Coast so they could "Make a man out of me," not knowing that a pretty boy like me in an all boys military acadamy was going to be filled with late night sneaking away for boy on boy stickiness and Lacrosse players sending me love letters.

Jennifer Aniston complimented my tie clip(I worked at Warner Bros).

I think Bigfoot is real and living in the Pacific Northwest.

My favorite salad dressing is Roquefort mixed with Caesar with anchovies.

Did Marine Corps boot camp.

I'm leaving 7 open because I want one of my followers to say something about me, good or bad, I can take it.

I'm suppose to give this to 7 followers, so here:

The Negatives
Todd X
Dear [your name here]
Trixie
Allie
The Adventures and Misdeeds of an Insane Woman
the single girl and the city

again

I got a 3rd award. Now I have to move my awards on the shelf where my matryoshka dolls use to be because I don't have room. What can I say about this honor? No, really, what do I say? Everything I have said I have said before, repeatedly. Thank you Cogent Ascending.





Now, I'm suppose to answer more questions about myself, 35 to be exact, and since I hate boring answers and I don't want to be here all day, I'll just answer the ones that I want.


1. Where is your cell phone? Lost in the backseat cushions of a cab driven by an Armenian en route to Glendale, CA.
2. Your hair? link

3. Your mother? Watching Mexican soap operas.

5. Your favorite food? Tapas
7. Your favorite drink? Agua de Jamaica .
11. Your fear? Crumbs in my bed.
16. Wish list item? link

Your pets? dead.
22. Friends? almost dead.
23. Your life? Always expecting excitement, always getting the mundane.
29. Your favorite color? dark green.

Bombe Fantastic

I somehow got another blog award. Congent Descending gave me this heartfelt award because he recognizes beauty, the beauty that is me.

I would give him an AB Award, but I don't want to lose another follower.

Now 7 things about me.

Rod Lowe's stunt double hit on me at a party in the Hollywood hills.

I had a 78' Ford pickup truck that was on live T.V. in a high speed Police chase right before I got it.

Of all languages, I wish I could speak fluent Finnish.

I'm a "Power Bottom" in fag slang.

I went camping as a Boy Scout. A boy got lost in the surrounding area 2 weeks prior, so I thought he was out there waiting to eat me if I went out of the tent to pee at night (I figured by now he was really really HUNGRY).

The first drink I ever had was a Comfort and Coke at a gay bar in Tucson Arizona called "The Fineline" when I was 16. Bought for me by a girl from the south who hiked up her skirt to show me her panties.

My first job was as a bag boy at a Supermarket. I was hit on by the produce guy who was a babe, the stud who crushed boxes in the back of the store who looked like he just got out of state prison and the guy in the liquor department who looked like 70's porn who fucked half of our married female customers. I never did anything with any of them because I was sweet on this one checker who looked like a blond Clay Adler, rode BMX bikes and who's girlfriend treated him like shit. It got around to him that I liked him and he would stumble over his words when he tried to talk to me, I stopped talking to him all together because he's not Chris Adler and I'm not the fat girl at the prom who needs his fuckin' charity. I stole "Charlie Brown" CD'S for my little niece when I was there, but not the good ones like a Charley Brown Christmas or Halloween, they were shitty ones like "Happy Arbor Day Charlie Brown."

A B Awards

Some of my female followers are really big on giving each other blog awards. I didn't even know they existed until my follower Maegan from "Love Maegan" talked about them on her blog and drollgirl on hers. I bitched about not getting one until Maegan gave me an award, of which I am eternally grateful because she is a sweet hottie calling me a hottie (I'm not expecting a "Sweet and Sassy" or "You Brighten My Day' award from anyone anytime soon). So I want to give my own award, a patch (like the Boy Scouts). Now I don't want to give this award to anyone specifically because I don't want people saying "Why the fuck is he giving ME it??...He doesn't expect me to put it on my blog does he?!..." So I leave it here for anyone of my followers to take, only my followers. I know no one will, but I still want to get into all this award action.
The rule is you put it on your blog and say it's from me with a link and watch all the vag/peni/free drinks start rolling in.





I ripped off the patch from the net, don't think I go around stitching these things.

Maegan Award

I got my Maegan award and I am moved. I would give an acceptance speech, but already did when I stole drollgirl's awards and sold them for New Jack Swing. I would have thanked my agent Morty Goldblatt again, but he ran away with my money a month ago and was last seen downing whiskey sours at a Hilton Hotel bar in the Philippines.




I Thank You Maegan for this much anticipated award.

(I know the rules say I'm suppose to give this award to other people, but if anyone, I repeat ANYONE, comes near my award, i'll cut your fingers off with wire cutters)