Angering Ed

with my shitty grammar

gloryhole?

smooth junx

recycled boards

How to #5:

Make prison hooch.

Meca Macadamia

Russ complains when I eat all the cashews in the mixed nuts jars he gets and I leave him only the peanuts. I told him why doesn't he get a jar that doesn't have peanuts, and only have other nuts like walnuts and Brazil nuts (a nut I've never seen outside of nut jars or Dr. Cow's Cashew-Brazil Cheese) with cashews. So he goes to get the new nut jar he just bought nuts and all the cashews are gone and all he has are walnuts and Brazil nuts, he comes up to me and says; "You ate all the cashews again." I told him; "I thought it was only the peanuts you had a problem with." Now Russ is smart, and knows that the only nut I like better than cashew nuts are pistachios, so he buys a jar of mixed nut that has pistachios, cashews and a nut called a filbert that I wouldn't eat if you paid me. So this last time he goes to get nuts and all the cashews AND pistachios are gone and all he has are filberts that Russ wouldn't eat if you paid him.

I bring this up now because I'm eating all the cashews out of the latest jar of nuts he just got typing this with one finger because I can't type with two fingers and eat cashews at the same time.

Chasing the cashew dragon.

Red Carpet Spunktacular

I never thought walking down the red carpet last night that I would recieve another award from my colleague Cogent Ascending (we have a love/hate relationship, he loves me and I hate him), with my Xanax and Tanqueray high I thought I was at the Peoples Choice Awards with Brittany Murphy and the sidewalks were made out of gravy. This time I only have to answer 7 questions thank God. I put this at the top of my other awards, because, just look at it.

A Rabbi left a blessing on my answering machine.

I was almost shipped off at an all-boys military acadamy in the East Coast so they could "Make a man out of me," not knowing that a pretty boy like me in an all boys military acadamy was going to be filled with late night sneaking away for boy on boy stickiness and Lacrosse players sending me love letters.

Jennifer Aniston complimented my tie clip.

I think Bigfoot is real and living in the Pacific Northwest.

My favorite salad dressing is Roquefort mixed with Caesar with anchovies.

Did Marine Corps boot camp.

I'm leaving 7 open because I want one of my followers to say something about me, good or bad, I can take it.

I'm suppose to give this to 7 followers, so here:

The Negatives
Todd X
Dear [your name here]
Trixie
Allie
The Adventures and Misdeeds of an Insane Woman
the single girl and the city

cow head soup

Russ's pagan cow head said he can kick Ganesh's "fat ass" in a demi-God throwdown, I don't have the heart to tell him this is the REAL Ganesh.

Lost in Translation

With a nod to my Swede followers Inga and Emma...

TRYING TO TRANSLATE
WHAT MY GIRLFRIEND
IS SAYING IN SWEDISH
WHILE SHE'S ON
THE PHONE TO
HER MOTHER.


BY DAN KENNEDY



The weather here is like a hawk or small factory. Claws grab once and leave things burning, making people go to work while they are deadened from this. Yes, that is the case. That is the omen. When you take a vacation, you know there is hot iron and metal clawing at workers here.

(Pause while her mother comments or asks her something.)

Yes, he is still like small things. Books get read, books get written, framing darker things and pretending to laugh. Making tall, dark, long lives seem funny. Yes, tall, dark, long lives are broken, are scoring, are over torn. I am not laughing, but I am smiling or lonely while shopping. I am here forever. New York airports are so broken, I am here for now, I am here forever, no, no, no ... no, not like him.

But one time a cougar, a cougar, took an order. To bore the road of cougar burger, is to burn the road or roads of killers. A cougar taking orders! A server for ... people who ... ummm, what would you say ... hunger.

Have you been swimming in dorky rivers, logger? What makes your neighbor live? What makes your town not dead? I am glad to know. I am from a dorky river, I am one day swimming again there, with no ordinary people. Maybe with the mayor. Maybe with corn. Maybe wearing shoes, yeah, but no, no, no, not forks. No, not neighbors.

Yes, he is a small life and I am still here. He is sitting right here. Dark. Darker. Order. I am the sun. I am the sun. Yeah, I'm the sun.

Hey, though ... darker.

Hey, though ... OK.

thanks Karina