Gelly

My sister's new kick are orange jello slices, scoop out the innards of real oranges and fill them back up with orange jello and PRESTO! Real orange on the outside and fake orange jello inside after they've been in the refrigerator all night. Donna has been making these things for the last few days and to her it's like she discovered a new planet when she found out about these. My sister makes food from the back of baking boxes and she always gets the proportions wrong. She'll make a rum cake that will give you a buzz and a 7 layer tostada dip (she only makes it 3 layers because she says the other 4 layers are too much of a hassle for her) with 2 of the layers ground beef. She loves ground beef and tries to stick it into everything like I do with mayo (did you know mayonnaise makes everything creamy and delicious from shrimp scampi to chili?). A few weeks ago she made baby cake pops for a girls pregnancy party and all the faces looked angry and scornful, she also thought the filling should have a rasberry liqueur, she gave a pregnancy party a hangover.

Bringing up babbling

My sister got me a few duck fat butters for Christmas. Because I can make deviled eggs and Japanese Yum Yum sauce she thinks I know what to do with duck fat butter. I don't recall ever saying; "I want duck fat butter for Christmas." Maybe I said it in my sleep and Russ told Donna I dream to get duck fat butter. I looked on line to find out what I could do with it and someone put it on popcorn because someone said to themselves; "I wonder how duck fat will taste on this?"

I got my niece this because she has two pet rabbits (they're scared shitless of her).

Russ and I exchanged personal gifts.

It was a cheapy Christmas, but it was spent with family and that object called Russ's mom I wish I could exchange at a store.

Ate too much of his own butter.

Christmas Shat

I wake up Christmas morning and find Carole (Russ's mom) in the living room. I wanted to tell Russ it was like waking up from one nightmare into another. My sister wanted a non-traditional Christmas lunch so we had a Prime Rib the size of a basketball ($77) because Donna doesn't believe in normal size food, rosemary salt crusted rack of lamb, twice stuffed potatoes from scratch, cold cuts Chef salad served in an inverted punch bowl, my staple deviled eggs I made to look like spiders because I had olives to burn, and Donna's homemade strawberry cheese cake that takes a good 5 hours to make. I made a Japanese steak sauce called Yum Yum Sauce for the Prime Rib that everyone said tasted like cheap Southwest ranch salad dressing (fuck you all...except you mom).

It's suppose to rain tonite so I'll be on the rowing machine working off the lamb and my lame frustrations instead of running.


So how was YOUR Christmas? (I'm being rhetorical, I really don't want to know).

twisted sistas

Yesterday was my sisters birthday. Russ got her an ice cream cake (butter pecan) from 31 Flavors and shoved it in the freezer even though I told him it wouldn't fit and a Summer hat so she could stick on her "I ran into my ex, and then I put it in reverse and ran over him again" button (she clearly still has divorce issues). I got her an MP3 player and a half brothers (different dads) love. He made reservations at the Tam O' Shanter, but Donna insisted on Bob's Big Boy.




Frank is mad at Russ and me now, did I tell you the Police came and ransacked his home? They where just suppose to check if he was rotting in his bathtub with an old "The Woman Of Ebony" magazine by his side. We didn't even call the Police, someone else did.

Hard Yolk

Every holiday I'm expected to bring kitch food deviled eggs. I know how to make garlic bread and deviled eggs, It's like being able to play only two strings of a guitar, but I do it well. Whenever my sister has one of her parties she's famous for (she had a party for some Filipino friends and she served a whole spit roasted pig the size of a midget), it's always "bring your deviled eggs Poncho" when I know she really means "mom always preferred you, so why don't you make it up to me with mixing mayo with some egg yolks and stick it back in the egg with a little sprinkle of paprika you spoiled little shit."

My secret to my deviled eggs is an ass load of MSG.