09 January 2011

Shave N Haircut 2 Bits

I go to Fantastic Sam's to get my haircut (my old-style barber up and died on me from a massive coronary month prior) because it's right next door to the Starbucks that has my salted caramel hot chocolate. This middle aged Chinese woman calls me and I sit in a chair that makes me eye level with her uterus and I tell her exactly what I want. She tells me in broken English my haircut would look good in jail, I'm thinking "Did she just say I'd look good in Jail?" and then she starts to tell me how her grandson broke a Christmas ornament and how grandpa hit the ceiling over it (I have a feeling grandpa knocked the kid into the wall) and how later she has a hot blind date at the Olive Garden. She then she asked me "Have you ever been to Jail? And I say "Do I look the type?" She gives me a shitty haircut and tells me she wants me to come back with me saying I won't because "YOU KEEP ASSOCIATING ME WITH JAIL."
Later that night I watched "The Haunted House of Horror" while eating chicharones with sideburns that aren't cut even.


  1. Only cool people have uneven sideburns, she was trying to tell you that.

    And salted caramel hot chocolate - is that a real thing?

  2. She was too busy thinking about the Olive Garden's "Endless Pasta Bowls" and getting laid than my hair.


    I know I shouldn't be THIS amused by your misery but it DOES amuse me.
    In all caps even

  4. You always find the characters!
    My brother in law calls sideburns Liza Minnelli's which makes me laugh my ass off

    Oh maybe she likes ex cons!

  5. CA,

    My old fashioned barber keeled over from a heart attack a month ago, so now I'm on the hunt for a descent haircut. I'm giving this place a whirl:


    I'm seriously thinking of getting mutton chop sideburns.
    I came in with a white t-shirt and jeans, I don't know why I reminded her of Folsom...maybe my shifty eyes.

  6. Gareth C is going to be the privileged one.


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