05 August 2012

FUCK YOU

This is for all of you who expressed sadness over the chicken wars. Remember, we are not alone.

Dear chicken eaters- So you woke up and ate some Kellogg’s cereal and a Sarah Lee pastry, used Google or Yahoo on your Microsoft computer to get directions, put on your $100 Nikes, your $10 t-shirt from TJMAXX, your $80 GAP jeans that you bought online and was delivered by UPS and that you just washed in your $900 Sears Kenmore washing machine, got in your 25K Ford pickup truck, spent $80 to fill your gas tank at Chevron, stopped at Starbucks for a cup of coffee, went through the drive-through and made a deposit in your BofA or SunTrust account, sent a text on your $200 Motorola or $500 iPhone using your $100 a month Sprint or AT&T account and went to a chicken place to wait for hours in the drive-through line for a $5 Chik fil A sandwich that you paid for using your Mastercard or American Express and you washed it down with a Pepsi or Coke. Then you went to Walgreen’s for some Hershey bars and bought your kids a Mattel or Disney toy.

Thank God you have Aetna health insurance because those sandwiches are clogging your arteries and as soon as you realize that every other dollar you spent today went to a company with an HRC 100% pro-gay approval rating, you might just have a heart attack.



10 comments:

  1. I was hoping you and I could kiss outside of Chik Fill A but then I remembered I don't live in LA and Russ would probably send the pagan cow head after me in my dreams for such blasphemy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That "Kiss Day" was a dud, I was hoping for "Molotov Cocktail" day. Don't even get me started. I've been telling people off on all kinds of forums using Russ's Facebook account.
    What? You didn't know? The mascot for Chick-fil-A was yours truly:
    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1171/814783847_5f1af249bb.jpg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear sweet Christ I had no idea. A sign of the end times to be sure.

      Delete
  3. I told him he looked like a hooker walking down the boulevard and does he "give the milk for free?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel like his milk shakes better than yours and that it may even bring all the boys to the yard.

      If you ask nice maybe he can teach you, but he'd have to charge.

      Delete
    2. I don't think I could like Militant Queer's reply enough.

      Delete
  4. Kiss ass. No, but really, he's loads of funs, a great writer, clever, witty and an all around unique man. I'm lucky to know him...I'll slit your tits off if you tell him any of this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *sniff*

      You like me!

      You really, really like me!

      *gives eloquent and endearing acceptance speech wherein I neglect to thank any real people for my success and give all the credit to a Jewish zombie who turned the tables on horror fiction by feeding the living HIS flesh and blood instead of the other way around*

      Delete
  5. *thinking*
    "I knew it go to her head."

    ReplyDelete

I eat your comments with jam and butter.