03 November 2009

Kill Billy

I dislike kids. The Irony is that I know I would make a cool dad because I was a great influence on my niece (she gets paroled in '011). I think the ancients got it right with throwing babies in the ocean to appease sea monsters. Whatever turns my quiet lunch at a restaurant into it being not, I'm not for. Russ is the exact opposite and wishes I had a uterus so I could always be knocked up (between working as a stripper part time for extra cash and making him pork cutlet dinners), other people's children can't get enough of him, I think he uses this trick. One of Russ's relatives adopted a retarded Romanian boy and a Guatemalan girl who has the face of a 42 year peasant woman on a 6 year old body. I see nothing but bad news for the family when the Romanian grows up and makes sharp grapefruit knives his friends.

Pro-family conservative groups have this unbiblical fixation on kids, seeing our non-reproducing homosexuality as a bad thing. Now that we have so many people sucking up the resources on the earth to it's brink, does it ever occur to them that maybe gays are here for quantity control? Homosexuals contribute to a baby society without having babies themselves. When gays do want to adopt, these same pro-family groups will be the first to bitch about homosexuals adopting, so I guess these folk want us homos to pay up the ass for THEIR birth offspring while denying us the benefit of adopting one of their unwanted offspring as our own.

Not having children in this chaotic age with the sun sizzling up polar bears like butter on a pan should be rewarded, not punished with higher taxes or bitching relatives who can't take a hint.

...and giving a few of these ready-made meat sack lunches to sea monsters might bring more rain, wouldn't hurt.


  1. I’d swap the babies with the conservative groups myself....

    Babies in restaurants crying? See that’s just bad parenting. When your baby cries you get your ass up and take him outside. But that’s just me. I’d take babies/kids over adults any day. You always know what’s going on with them because they’re brutally honest.

    And speaking of conservative idiots, When prop 8 was circling around California a friend of mine who prior to this I thought was reasonably decent told me "We're not denying gays the right to marry. They're allowed to marry any member of the opposite sex they want, just like straight people".

  2. I'm brutally honest, but you don't see me pissing the floor or having tantrums in the middle of supermarket isles, sober.

    I get you though.

    How reasonable for your friend to be so flexable, now all I need to do is find a nice girl with a dick and a hairy chest.

  3. I've thought about this before... almost all of it. I also have an aversion to babies. And I guess you could say I'm "anti-family?" Because that's probably what the conservatives would call me if they found out that I wish more people were gay. It would solve a lot of problems, not the least of which is population control and providing much-needed homes for orphans who may become sea-monster food otherwise.

    Seriously, what the hell are they thinking when it comes to being against gays adopting? I know why they SAY they are against it, but that doesn't make any sense... so seriously, why?

    I think that most modern conservatives (not all, of course, but a large portion of them) are not very good at critical thinking. Or any kind of reasoning. They just say words and don't think about them. And then they say words that are kind of an opinion and they don't think about those words either. But they sure do stick by them. Over and over.

    Man, this is the most inflammatory thing I've ever written. If someone who is conservative reads this, I'm sorry, but you should try to think harder about your views and opinions. And the world. And everything. Especially if you are one of THOSE conservatives. I'm probably going to get hate mail. Shit.

  4. My followers are the suave bunch, you won't get any shit from them, promise.

    People can believe whatever they want to believe, but when they take that next step to try to interfere with my basic rights, they are so out of line on a personal level and so out of bounds on a Constitutional level, it's not even funny.

  5. In ancient Rome they had this thing called Patria Potestas, which basically means that all children, wives, slaves, etc. fell under the ultimate power of the father—this included the power over life and death.

    In about the 5th century AD (yes it took them 500 years after the death of Christ) the Christians started thinking that the father’s right to kill unwanted children might not be so moral and could possibly conflict with their superior belief system, so the custom of death began to shift to abandonment.

    So, if you lived in ancient Rome and your wife cranked out a fugly baby, you simply would load the family into the chariot, drive to the nearest refuse dump (that is where they would abandon children) and drop little Fug Junior off on the corner then speed away into the sunset—problem solved.

    Now, if you lived in ancient Rome and were looking for a kid, all you had to do was stop by and pick one out (much like Madonna and Africa).

    Although I am sure it is difficult to believe, but not all the people that were looking for children were wealthy benefactors like Madonna. Most would pick up to children to sell into slavery (even then it was nice to have a little extra pocket money). Often beggars would use the children to assist in panhandling, usually maiming them (gouging out an eye, cutting off the tongue, etc.) to make them appear more pathetic and ultimately more effective.

    Perhaps there really is a reason why we consider ancient Rome a cornerstone of modern civilization.

    Tides and time…all things change. Hopefully our society is still evolving and those conservatives that have narrow-minded concepts of "family" will see the error of their ways (and it won't take another 1500 years).

    As for me, I always say, “If anything is going to be crawling on the floor with a bottle, it had better be me!”

  6. See? Feeding them to sea monsters was the HUMANE thing to do after all, I'm all for being humane, so when do we start chucking then into the sea to save them from having their eyes gouged out?

    I bow to your smarts Teezy, you're my new favorite follower.


I eat your comments with jam and butter.