02 April 2009


So Russ and I are in downtown L.A. for court and we decide to lunch at Philippes for lamb dip sandwiches. Right before we walk up to the restaurant door, Russ gets a phone call and tells me to go ahead (it's his mom maybe falling off the sober wagon again) This transient walks up to me right before I go in and asks me for change thinking I'm alone. I say; "Sorry man, didn't bring my wallet," I didn't bring my wallet because I knew Russ was paying (I know, I know, Russ always bugs me to have my wallet, but I keep it in the front pocket and it looks like I have two dicks when I do), so he gives me this smile like he doesn't believe me and wonders off. Russ comes in from his phone call and we order our lamb sandwiches with 3 sides (one macaroni salad to split), a jar of chili peppers to take home and a coke for him and lemonade for me. We sit next to a window. Russ says he needs to go take a leak and leaves, guess who wonders past the window, stops, and looks right at me with a "I thought you didn't bring your wallet you fuck" smile? I smile back and he wonders off again just as Russ is coming back with our sandwiches on the way from the bathroom. He puts both sandwiches in front of me because his cell is ringing again (mom definitely fell off the sober wagon) and he wants to take the call outside so the surrounding people won't hear his up-coming lecture to mom. Who do you think wanders past the window again with Russ nowhere to be found? Now here I am sitting with not only one, but two sandwich in front of me with 3 sides, two drinks and a whole jar of chili peppers. The guy gives me this "not only are you a lying fuck, but your a pig too, you, gluttonous thing you" smile/wave. At this point I'm pissed, I don't know if I'm pissed at the coincidence of Russ being gone every time this guy sees me, pissed because it looks like I'm going to stuff my face with all these lamb sandwiches and not giving him my lose change because I needed that 3rd macaroni salad side or pissed because he's going out of his way to make me feel guilty with what he perceives as me not having charity, falsely. Russ comes back in and I explain the whole thing because the entire idiocy of it all isn't funny anymore. The guy comes to the window again because he probably doesn't think my conscious is seared enough with guilt, but not only is Russ with me this time, Russ gets up and walks out of the restaurant to have a "little chat" with the man who hasn't had enough of wanting me to feel like shit for not giving him a nickel he thinks I have. The guy waves back to me with a "sorry" wave and Russ comes back in to finish his lamb sandwich and flat coke like nothing happened. To this day Russ will never tell me what he said to the guy.

Philippes wasn't that great if you expected this to be a restaurant review and those old bats over the counter look like they'll turn to dust if you blow on them.


  1. i used to work downtown, and i have a LOT of homeless run-in stories. crimony. it can be tough. one lady would see me EVERY FUCKING DAY for years, and EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR YEARS she would say, "ma'am, can you please help me? i am 6 months pregnant and i don't have any food." i finally told her YOU HAVE BEEN 6 MONTHS PREGNANT FOR A GOOD THREE YEARS NOW. HERE IS A DOLLAR, AND GET A NEW LINE.

  2. Great story. I wouldn't know how to react if I were you or Russ. I liked the look and atmosphere inside, but I always wondered if their food was any good. Glad to know what to expect now.

  3. Hey cakelicious, welcome to my casa.

    Any sandwich is juicy if you dip all the bread in juice like they do, big deal.


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