24 January 2010

Parading Fools

My lovely follower Trixie posted rules for movie theatre behaviour, and it got me thinking, why not rules for seedy gay porn theatre behaviour?

Do not SLURP it! Just drink.

I know my Asshole is adorable but come on! Staring any more than 3 minutes is rude. Doing it thirty plus times is bordering on psycho.

If you insist on bringing your children then I demand there be no whining. Also, if your child is so young that the movie ("Imagine Aaron in Doctor Pernas' Ass") is inappropriate then you should leave them home. It’s completely wrong to cover their eyes and talk incessantly and loudly in the inappropriate parts to distract them.

If you’re coming on a gopher, avoid the eyes.

There is no need to rock me like a maniac for ten minutes when I can jerk you off in five.

I reserve the right to not play with loud wrinkly old men, I'm not a candy bar, and I'll throw you.

If you’re going to fill up cups with splooge, there is no need to hand them out.

Sit on me already!


  1. bwahahahahahhahahaha!!!!!!!!

  2. YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!! and hilarious!

    and matthew m sure does have a hot bod, and a head full of sand.

  3. that was brilllll!

    ps - i got the links -thats easy. but it aint working when i plug it into html...fuckers

  4. Funny!

    Thanks for introducing me to Trixie's blog—I really enjoyed reading it.

    You have all the cool friends.

  5. It's not working when you go on your blog's "add a gadget" and imbed the code into the HTML/Java Script?

  6. My lemonade just spurted out of my nose, thanks to "If you're coming on a gopher, avoid the eyes".
    You are fucking hilarious! methinks I'd like to read more rules written by you :D


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