11 November 2009

Hearst Castle

A year ago Russ and I took a tour of Hearst Castle in San Simeon California.

Russ was having a play date with the place, I was thinking maybe I judged Travel Town a little too harshly (the tour made me believe I could sleep standing up, a feat I was never able to accomplish before). It was a revolving feeling of being bored shitless, being creeped out, being bored shitless, being creeped out. The highlight of the tour was when Russ asked the tour guide if it was just a rumor Hearst was screwing actress Marion Davis, how did little (5'5) Marion Davis give birth to a giant of a daughter (Hearst was 6'3 and his daughter was almost as big)? The tour guide's face fell (The Hearst family refuses to acknowledge the affair, and it's said the Hearst heirs sometimes go on these tours).

I myself have contempt for the man and could care less about his house or if he fucked Marion or his puffy pillows (Hearst was a moral hypocrite who single handedly destroyed Fatty Arbuckle with making him sound guilty of rape in the Hearst owned press even though a jury found him innocent. Hearst ate up yellow journalism like he ate out Marion Davis.

Later that night I thought I saw a sea monster (keep me from large bodies of water because I always think I see sea monsters) and woke up with a hangover with funyuns all over my fake valour bedsheets and Russ passed out on the floor barely remembering the night . The next morning we hightailed it back home not even stopping for olive tasting, but we did stop to take pictures of each other with snowballs on top of our heads.

One thing was weird. On our tour of Hearst Castle we were taken through one of the side entrances of the house and you see an odd shaped marble slab about 3 feet tall from the door. It had no rhyme or reason and I asked the tour guide what it was. He told me to this day no one really knows what it is or why it's there. The first thing that came to me was that it looked exactly like a sacrificial alter, even finding a close likeness to it on the web. Is Hearst Faust? Probably.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. (Sorry about the deleted comment - here it is again)

    First, about this post:

    Um....ONE thing was weird?

    Second, sorry I haven't commented lately, things were getting a little heavy over here with all the trampling on human rights and stuff.

    And, since I tend to make jokes out of just about everything, I didn't want to say something offensive about such an important issue.

    I know that you are angry, and understandably so, but before you go ripping off more muppet puppet heads, perhaps take a little common sense advice from Miss Piggy.

    I know whenever I feel hurt I listen this little song sung by the Devine Miss Pigg—it always makes me feel better. Besides, I think it is more of a google issue than a muppet one. (Some of the lyrics may be NSFW)

    Words of Wisdom from the Pig

    If the link doesn't work you can check the clip out here:


  3. ees aright, I don't expect anyone to comment on every single post.

    Your talking to the Duke of making a joke out of everything. Believe me, I would be alot more popular if I wasn't so irreverent. I had one follower tell me my comments were like Tabasco Cheesecake, delicious, but it'll burn. She credited me with helping her stop smoking, she'd read my stuff instead of lighting up.

    I didn't know Miss Piggy was so into getting porked.

  4. I don't believe a word you say...not a word... devil's nuts!

  5. Devil's nuts is probably what Hearst had to suck to get his wealth, Faust liked it, Hearst not so much.

  6. I wish I had seen the guide's face when he was asked the question. You'd think that they would encouraged such comment, regardless of its veracity. It would just make the visitors' day more enjoyable, don't you think?

    Um... take pics of the sea monster next time ;)

  7. The others on the tour bust out laughing after Russ made the comment, it happened in the room that had a hidden passageway to Hearst's own bedroom and this would've been the room Marion would have stayed in, Russ said what everyone was thinking, She lost face and that really bugged her the rest of the tour.

    I told a sea monster to pose for a picture, but he wanted payment with bubblegum. I told him; "Why bubblegum?" and he said "Because I hate salt water taffy."


I eat your comments with jam and butter.