Things I want to buy when I'm rich:
1. Laser beam eyes that can cut through the cocktail drinking straws of assholes at bars.
2. The UWBadgers wrestling team with a "Owner has fellatio option" contract clause.
3. A bionic/wolf/salamander hybrid dog named "Pancho."
4. Rome. So I can raze it and build condos called "Pancho's Party Central."
5. 1000 gold toothpicks (in case I lose a few).
6. Hair transplants on my ass so it looks like this:
7. A cat guillotine.