24 May 2012

Lemonheads

A few years back Russ bought me a tiny lemon tree because of my unhealthy passion for lemon tainted foods and lemonade. The thing grew into this grotesque abomination that's shaped like a 4 fingered hand, inch long thorns, and I'm lucky if it gives me one lemon a year like it's giving birth to something that looks like a lime (I won't eat it because I think it's going to look like a balut egg inside).

These
gay foodies sure love shoveling in food, I get at least 15 invitations in my e-mail a week for events around L.A. Now I feel all this pressure to attend at least one event or risk having my knuckles slammed in a door by "Sklar" (a fat Chinese man with a name that sounds like it belongs to middle aged woman who looks like Dyan Cannon and designs windchimes for beach houses).


My lemon tree in human form.

3 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA! a balut egg. Too much! You should go to some! Your posts after would be hilaripus!

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  2. SKlarp must dance the dance of the Balut Egg or wither and die like the seasons!

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  3. Me and the lemon tree have an understanding, I leave it alone if it leaves me alone. The bark is the same thickness as the branches and the middle "tentacle" all of a sudden grew 3 feet taller in one night. I should put it out of it's misery like a 2 headed baby.

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I eat your comments with jam and butter.