27 December 2010

Tabletop Tracy puts out

I wanted to post this comment on Gabby's guest post so bad, I could taste it. Since it might bother her, piss off the rest of her followers, and probably get me kicked to the curb, I'll just put it here:

You are so right Liz! I try to put myself out there and your advice is top-notch. I learned a few tricks along the way that I think would help any working girl (I mean a girl who works, not hookers) I'd love to add it to your already fantastic advice.

1. Petting isn't only for animals. A man loves to be petted, not the creepy Uncle Marvin kind of petting, but just smooth petting on the head with both hands at times he least expects it (try doing that in front of his guy friends to make them say to themselves; "why won't my girlfriend do that?!). If he tries to get you to pet in the "lower regions" just tell him your not a slut like his mother and would he let just anyone play with his dick like some fagelah at a truck stop? (I say "Fagelah" on the assumption he's Jewish).

2. Bring back the jab. If he says something you don't like or rubs you the wrong way, jab him in the ribs, the leg, the cheek, the soft part of his hand if he's sitting across the table to you and you can't reach any other soft spot. The jab might ouch him a little, but he'll be thanking you in the morning with eggs and waffles (biscuits if he's from the south).

3. Every man likes someone to question their masculinity at one time or another (it keeps them on there toes), so say things like; "Is that eyeliner you're wearing or am I dating your sister?" and "My eyes are up here, not on our waiter's crotch." If you haven't used the line "fagelah at a truck stop," now would be a good time.

Thanks again Liz (I hope Liz is short for Elizabeth and not some code for lesbian who caters to lady truckers, because I'm not into that kind of trip). Can't wait to join your dating service! : )

2 comments:

  1. Oh honeypie, I'd never kick you to the curb! This advice is crucial to a working girl like me (not of the hooker variety fyi).

    ReplyDelete
  2. I should write a dating book, I got a million of those things.

    ReplyDelete

I eat your comments with jam and butter.