28 May 2010

AN INSINCERE 911 CALL:

911 DISPATCHER: 911 Operator may I help you?

WOMAN: Oh God! My husband is on the floor and I think he's dead...excuse me operator, Morris?! Are you stirring?! When you stop stirring the spaghetti sauce burns in the bottom of the pan and it takes forever to scrape it off, you might as well throw the pan away! I'm sorry, I'm back operator.

911 DISPATCHER: Miss, we're sending an ambulance but I need some more information from you. Now is your husband breathing?

WOMAN: I think so, he's in the living room...I'm so sorry operator just a sec, what does it say on the can?! OK now cook it twice as long as what it says! I don't like that much garlic, if YOU want it, you put some of the sauce in a separate pan and add all you want...well you're not stirring if your talking to me are you?! I'm back operator, I'm just so scattered right now, I'm sure you
understand what it's like to do 5 things at once.

911 DISPATCHER: Miss, you need to go and see if your husband is breathing so we can take any necessary steps before the ambulance comes.

WOMAN: Hear that Morris?! The operator says you need to keep stirring!

911 DISPATCHER: Miss! You need to listen to me very carefully, you need to STOP worrying about what you're doing right now and I need you to go out into the living room and tell me if your husband is still breathing.

WOMAN: Oh yeah, he's still breathing, your still breathing right Fred? Fred! Ooh Fred...calling Fred...ummmm, yeah, I don't think he's breathing so much right now, oh Hell Morris!!! You didn't put that oregano that says oregano that isn't oregano in the sauce did you?! I used that to kill Fred you idiot!!!

WOMAN: (pause)

WOMAN: *click*

5 comments:

  1. AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! I was wondering where it was going. I like it when you post stuff like this. MORE!!!

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  2. Did I tell you you're my favorite follower? Well except Todd X, he's my bromance.

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  3. What's going on? I went to your blog and I got that one "Friday fun" post. Listen, I learned a long time ago people on the blogsphere are just like the majority of the of the public, boring, heard mentality, boring, flighty. I don't know the specifics of what happened with you, but stick with your fans if nothing else, I do.

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  4. Nawwww. Fanx AB.
    Sorry about the angry negative post. Just me letting off some steam really...human beings shit me. The majority of them anyway. It's true that the blogosphere isn't that much different to the "real world" in many ways. But all the cool people are more accessible here :)
    Thanks for the understanding words ♥

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  5. At least I know you got home safe.

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I eat your comments with jam and butter.