11 February 2010

cow head soup

I told Russ's pagan cow head to stop eating my Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal because he has his own cereal that he picked out so he wouldn't eat mine. He told me he didn't want it anymore because he's "Cosmopolitan" now. Later I heard him on the phone saying to Moskie (who's now suing us for libal) how selfish and puffy I am and that if he still had his cow God powers, he'd shrink me down, put me in a Gerber baby food jar with staples, and rattle me around.


  1. That cow head is getting rather too big for his boots. Or..hat. You should put a decoy box of cereal- with staples in it- in a prominent place to teach him a lesson.

  2. Everytime cow head starts mouthing off (his big thing is when I buy Sprite instead of 7-Up), I roll out this scroll, and he'll start talking about how nice the weather is.

  3. It sounds to me like it is less a "cosmopolitan" thing and more a fiber issue (if you know what I mean). I'm sure that's why Cow Head has been all curmudgeonly lately

    If some animal was all up in my Honey Bunches of Oats I'd throw it out in the yard, have it eat grass for a few days and I am certain the problem would be solved—just make sure to strap a diaper on him for the first couple of days when you let him back into the house—not only will it keep your home tidy but it will give Cow Head a much needed dose of humility.

    BTW, if you tell Cow Head I said any of this I will deny it—he already thinks that you lie.

  4. He has no digestive system that I know of (it took me awhile to figure out the in's and out's of a pagan God). He would never call me a liar because he knows I would take away his jacuzzi privileges.


I eat your comments with jam and butter.