01 October 2009

bright dark

I thought Blogger kicked out my follower "Kristen in Control" because her blog just up and disappeared. I thought it was the end of the road for my beautiful bi sex drug addict. What was I suppose to think with post titles like "Right Junkie, Wrong Junk" and "Kristen Gets Rystalyne (Then Does More Speed)?" She just bought a Glock-19 with hollow point bullets, I sometimes wondered how her and her little hollow point children were doing when she was gone.

Kristen is smart, I think you can be intelligent without being smart. She says she has a reign over her methodical spiraling out of control, and you know what? I believe her. She reminds me of a former vox blog follower of mine named Ukifune (She told me Ukifune means "drifting boat," she never told me the whole story behind the name). Ukifune was a non-Japanese hostess in Japan who looked like museum statues of the Goddess Ishtar I remembered who was also smart and a functional drug addict living a vida loca. A typical post from her would be her taking dope and afterwards having a millefeuille outside of a cafe while the world tripped out around her. She used to starve herself till her heart almost gave out to lose a few pounds, she was also a cutter (I had two cutters following my vox blog, the other was this All-American college beauty who lived in North Dakota calling herself "Your Little Princess" who also suffered from depression, she was big fan of mine).

I don't know what it is about me that seems to draw pretty girls who are damaged in this world and in my living world, I guess they know there will be no judgement from me, and maybe they see something else with me.

I find out Kristen just re-directed her blog, that she's still there, waiting to have that next hit, waiting to use her hollow point children. I wonder if she'll read this post, we don't run in the same circles.

I once asked on my other blog if I would attract these kinds of girls if I were straight, someone piped up with "probably."


  1. AB! I'm honored. I disappeared for awhile but have been following your blog the entire time. If fact your still on my blog list and was speechless (and very VARY high at the time) so I had to debate that for awhile. Thank you for thinking of me and take care friend :)

  2. ukifune is also into sado sex right now. her story is getting pretty interesting and fucked up at the same time

  3. i hope these ladies are going to be ok. life is tough, with or without drugs, with or without depression, with or without self-abuse. but sometimes it can be great. sometimes.

    and i'll skip putting anything preachy here about drugs or cutting or eating disorders, as i am sure they have heard it all before.

  4. Actually I love comments. At times I can articulate my thoughts fairly well, however I never really know how the situation looks beyond my introspective often drug-fueled rants.

    I get excited reading someones comment and feeling like I possibly connected with them in even some small way.

    BTW, is that you in the driving picture under the sexy blogger award? Fuck your hot.


  5. Sometimes you can't say anything drolldoll, you just go along for the ride.

  6. All my comments have been peachy so far, but I expect some wad to come on and call me a cock sucking faggot one of these days. I take a real interest in my comments because, like you, I connect in some way.

    Every pic on my blog I nicked off the web. I'm a clean-cut boy with a dick disposition, not a cheeseball driving around flexing.

  7. Hmm, I've never read any of these blogs before. Must take a sneaky peek sometime. I must admit though, i dont really relate to the drug thang...I've experimented in my time, but, predictably the short term highs are inevitably followed by long term LOWS. That's just me anyhoo.Bipolar disorder fucks with me enough aleady. Even alcohol can start an "epidode" for me:S There is no way i could be a "functioning" addict! I've met some, and have no fucking idea how they do it. But, yeah, still curious to read these!

  8. P.s. If you were straight i would definitely still read your blog, because I love your snarky humour! The gay factor ensures no ulterior motives for the chicks I guess? Or maybe just the fact that you are openly gay in a still rather homophobic world means that you've likely experienced your fair share of redneck fuckwits, just as these ladies may have?
    Either way, add me to your fanbase :)

  9. Only Kristen is on this blog, the other two were on my vox blog. "Your Little Princess" deleted her account soon after I left vox, I'm not keeping up with Ukifune.

    If I were straight I'd have a shit load more of straight men followers than what I have now. My talk about 'man humping' turns straight men into delicate flowers with little girl-like sensibilities for some reason.

    Love you too simi.


I eat your comments with jam and butter.