05 February 2009

The Maegan Awards

Once again Maegan from Love Maegan... has given out her yearly "Maegan Awards" and once again yours truly was not a recipient of said awards. When I heard the announcement backstage I was throwing VEEN water bottles and Sky vodka/Snookies cookies gift baskets at any Olsen/Cyrus looking twin within head striking range. I immediately called my agent Morty Goldblatt:

Me: What the fuck Mort?!

Mort: You got it all wrong baby! You know your Maegan's boy, She couldn't go on and on enough about your "Cock Of the Block" spread for "Details." Next year she said, promise.

Me: She knows I covet those awards of hers. You know what Mort? Why don't you just tell her the picture deal is off! Done, finito. I'm calling Tim Palen at Lionsgate as we speak.

Mort: Your killing me here! Listen, I'll do this. I'll give her people a call and and I'll set you two up for lunch to get this all straightened out, she'll probably want the "Ivy."

Me: She knows I'm banned from the Ivy ever since that crabcake "incident" with Sutherland (Kiefer) and she knows that's the first place Caan (Scott) will be looking for me ever since I posted those dick pictures of him on my blog. Make it "Caioti Cafe" or nothing, their salads make me wet.

Mort: I'm right on it like you wouldn't believe. In the mean time I'll call Caan's people and smooth things out. Now who's my "Cock Of the Block" who has this town by it's nut sack?

Me: I am.

Mort: I don't think I heard you, you was the only guy to suck off both Eduardo Verastegui and Aarón Diaz in the back alley of the Latin Grammys at the same time?

Me: Me Mort.

Mort: And don't you forget it kid! You have a kilt fitting with Kay Unger at 6, don't be late (click).

Love you Maegan ::wink::

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