02 January 2009

Who dat?

My neighbors where I live are boring as shit and scurry away to avoid me thinking I don't see them. I thought up neighbors who I would want living on my floor and on the floors below me and above.
One the bottom floor:
My manager would be the nice Mrs. Roper from 3's Company (this is without her homophobic bastard of a husband Mr. Roper who she bludgeoned to death before I moved in. It's our little secret Mrs. Roper). Next to her would be singer Debbie Harry who's always borrowing sugar and hash, next to her would be some noisy little girl who tries to get to the bottom of why so many of our mailmen go missing (I suspect Mrs. Roper who's now bludgeon happy).
My floor:
Next to me would live a wise old American-Indian named Eddie Bareback who would gives me wise advice and loves to bring me over lasagna and Indian charms to protect me from Wendingos, across from me would be drunky/cool cat Dean Martin who's always in a black silk robe with his dick half hanging out and always hitting me up for another 5 bucks.
Top floor:
A handsome lobster fisherman named Chance, who gets his morning paper in his two sizes too small boxers, and "Will try anything once if I'm drunk enough." Across from him is Helena Bonham Carter's character "Marla" from the movie "Fight Club," and across from her would be an "empty" apartment with creepy dragging noises coming out of it in the middle of the night and a black sap-like substance dripping out of the peep hole.

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